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Soul Software: It’s Upgrade Season.

I have an unofficial rule: I don’t write (here, or anywhere) unless I’ve got something to say.

Since November, I have found it impossible to sit down and type out any words that feel of service. Things have been churning in my life, beautifully and messily, but they’ve been moving in ways too weird for me to capture them. So much learning and growing. Full-spectrum LIFE. Discerning (or worse, explaining) what’s happening on my insides has been like trying to catch a slippery fish.

After letting go of so much, I needed to turn inward and do some reorganizing of the habits, patterns and beliefs hanging out inside me. Things that were much easier to see clearly without the clutter. It’s felt very potent. It’s also felt sticky and mucky, at times. Like truth and clarity colliding at my center and trying to take root amongst the rubble. Extraordinarily internal.

It makes sense; the earth is a cyclical place and we are cyclical creatures. We have seasons like this. In the wintertime, all the action happens underground. 

Things began to shift about a month ago. For all of February, I traveled. Exposure and expansion. A feverish undoing. Crusty layers burning off. Walking to my edges. A few deep exhales. Joyful adventure. Softening. Surrender. And then, this past week… click.

Spring.

Here’s the analogy I came up with: I’ve been downloading lots of software over these winter months. But until now, I haven’t had the appropriate operating system to run all these shiny new programs. So I’ve bought them, and stuck them on the shelf, waiting for the upgrade that will actually allow me to put them to use.

Often there’s a gap between learning and integrating. It’s the distance that must be traversed between “knowing” something and embodying it, emanating it, feeling it in your bones.

Just like the plants, I’ve been collecting the raw materials for this season’s new growth.

And suddenly, they’re springing forth. Here are the fresh perspectives unfurling in me, opening my heart and straightening my spine:

1. You can’t outsource self-love. No one can admire you, or desire you, or adore you, or choose you enough to fill the void where self-love is supposed to be. Whenever you move out of yourself in search for love and acceptance, you’re going the wrong direction. Turn around.

2. You do not have to choose between Freedom and Devotion. When you are devoted to the right things, and for the right reasons, you will feel free. Freedom IN Devotion. That’s what we’re going for.

3. The antidote to insecurity is Presence. Bringing yourself all here, to this moment, detaches you from a preoccupation with past wounds and disconnects you from fear of future pain. Letting Life pulse through you, right here and now, is safety.

4. Performance is not Presence. It has to be for real. Performing in any way, for any one, is exhausting. When you are putting on your “best you” show, you will eventually wear yourself out and end up feeling like you’re the worst. You’re neither the best nor the worst. You’re human, and you’re here. Be fully here and that’s enough.

5. If you want to travel fast, you have to travel light. You want to experience the exhilaration of full-spectrum aliveness? To trust the magic of life to take you and live through you? To create, and rise, and fly? It requires that you be incredibly clean and clear. Wherever you’re lugging around attachment to something that’s not your ultimate Truth, you’ll get pulled apart. Lose the baggage. Be willing to let go.

These are still getting installed, so to speak, but I can feel the difference. The new way I relate to myself, others and the world. Real-er and truer and lighter strands, weaving themselves into my soul fabric.

I wonder: what has been incubating in you, under the surface? What might you be ready to Become?

4 comments

  • Emily

    You’re brilliant! Thank you for sharing your wisdom to heal us all.

  • Josh

    To answer your question, “…what has been incubating you..”, for me is a continuously deeper and expanding appreciation for the wisdom and guidance given me by my parents who gave me their unconditional love. My father was the giant of my childhood and the older I get the more I appreciate him and the valuable perspectives he showed me on what truly matters in life – he passed away in 2013 and this is his Eulogy

    They say “You should never meet your Heroes” and no doubt this advice is well founded. In the case of my father, over time I came to find, that in so many ways, the opposite of this was true. As a child my father was often gone working long hours to provide for his family. Dad was a man who would not hesitate to face even the most daunting of tasks, and most often the tasks included highly complex dilemmas in genuine human tragedy and suffering. I recall a time, maybe 15 years ago, when my father was himself facing significant personal challenges. It was a low point in his life and his burdens had in some ways transformed him. It was at some point during this time frame that I had a conversation with him. If I recall correctly, it was an argument of sorts. During our discussion, my dad said something to the effect of “You think I’m a failure.” I was taken back—disappointed. I was disappointed at his loss of self confidence. Immediately I corrected him. I told him that if I lived a life that was half his own, I would consider myself a success—I could only hope to be half the man. This was the humility of my father, the core of his humanity, and the key characteristic that defined him. His love lives eternal—a masterpiece as beautifully exquisite and ornately complex as the finest cathedral. The impact of his love guides me as an immortal testament that even now echoes in my heart like thunder. He loved his children and all those around him with an empathic virtuosity. A master communicator, he could deftly see into the souls of others, finding the hidden, lost, or even mistakenly cast off treasures of one’s full potential. Dad, may angels lead you in.

    Josh

  • Glenn

    Lovely & inspiring.

  • Wendy Sellers

    Love this, dear Ginny. I have let go of so much on the outside. I am so grateful for this opportunity to now cleanse from the inside. And I am curious about what is incubating inside, once the clutter is gone.

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